A secret well kept
by Nikki108
Summary: Not just friends anymore. S/A pairing. R
1. Chapter 1

A/N: so this is my first time writing a fic for Spashley that I've had enough confidence to post. I've just recently discovered the beauty that Spencer and Ashley fanfiction, and you guys are awesome at what you do. I'm addicted to most of what you all write. I first am a fan before a writer and if I can accomplish half the writing you all have written well I'll be damn lucky. So here you have it folks. My attempt at Spashley. Enjoy and please review I would love to hear what you all think of this :) –Nicole.

She was so easy to be with. My best friend. The one person I told everything to, all my dirty secrets. But somewhere, somehow things changed. My feelings changed. I went from loving her with all my heart, to being _in_ love with her with everything that I had. She was all I thought about every minute of every day. The moments when we were together were spent just like any other time, just me taking longer glances her way. Me listening more closely. Me looking at her lips instead of her eyes. It was things like that, that marked the change in our friendship...for me at least.

I kept my feelings to myself. My one dirty secret that she would never know. The one thing I would keep from her, out of love. I couldnt change everything she was used to just because _I_ had feelings for her. I wouldnt scare her away like that. I couldnt and I wouldnt. She was used to us being the way we were. Used to us being best buds. She wasnt good with change it scared her, and when she was scared she ran. Usually to me ...but I doubt in this case that would be the result. So for now I keep my feeling to myself. I hold what I feel in and try and be the best friend I know I should be.

The only con to this plan is it gets harder with time. It gets especially hard when shes lying in my bed wearing my boy shorts and a t-shirt because she forgot her pjs. It gets even more difficult when her feet get cold and she asks me to warm them up. Things weve been doing forever that should be routine and tiresome now become difficult because there are now feelings attached to my actions. Feelings Im afraid one day shell see right through.

I cant imagine her not being a part of my life, Im too afraid to do it. Shes the one person whose never judged me in this messed up place. We click, we understand each other. I understand the simple things about her and she understands the deeper things about me. We work well together, we fit perfectly. Shes the first girl I have ever felt this way for...ever. Thats not to say I'm not experienced in the field because thatd be a lie. But shes the first one I've loved. Ive always told her she isnt my type; that I could never fall for someone like her. Guess Ive proved myself wrong now havent I.

At times I wonder if she can see right through my lie. If she knows the way I feel, I swear I catch her looking a little longer than normal sometimes. Or maybe I'm being delusional and my mind is just trying to satisfy my heart. I have no clue what to think anymore. The only thoughts entering my mind right now involve the girl lying in bed next to me. Lying a little too close to allow me to get any sleep. My whole body is on fire, bursting with the need to hold her, to touch her to satisfy what Ive wanted for months now.

She finally gets in the position she somehow always manages to get in when were together. A position I often unravel myself from by morning. Awkward I'snt something I do well. Shes lying on her side with her body pressed into mine, and her head laying on my chest, arms wrapped tightly around me. These are the moments I should treasure moments that should get me by. Yet they only seem to torture me. Only remind me of what I dont have, of what I wont have. I still find myself holding onto her though, holding onto the illusion, because as much as I refuse to believe it, she feels good in my arms she feels right.

"Sorry, Im squishing you" she mumbles into my neck as she stirs and begins to reposition herself away from me.

"Youre fine dont worry. I think I can handle you. Go back to sleep: I whisper back to her. Pulling her toward me, making sure her feet are covered. It doesnt take her long before she's nuzzled back into her spot and sleeping.

I just lay here most nights thinking, trying to control my feelings and thoughts from straying too far. Maybe its just a phase I tell myself hoping one day itll just go away, but I know that isnt the case. What I feel is real and unfortunately its not going anywhere.

Tonight's different though. She stirs more than she normally does. I can feel her moving in my arms. Shes turned away so that she's still on her side but her back is now facing me. I've lost my contact with her. That is of course until I feel one of her hands grab at my own hands lying on my stomach. Shes pulling me towards her, pulling me up against her. It must be a dream because were spooning! I dont know what to do with my hand that she has; shes tucked it underneath herself, and I'm afraid I can't take it back even if I wanted to.

"Its cold in here tonight, Ash. Stay close you keep me warm" was all she said as she kept me wrapped in her arms all night.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here is the second chapter for you all hope you all enjoy it. I would love to hear what you all think. The chapters could come out fast, for the next little while.

Chapter 2- Good Morning

We woke up in the same position. Both my arms wrapped tightly around her, our legs twisted together. She was the first to wake. I guess I had fallen asleep sometime after the change in position. The very welcomed change in position. I wasn't the cuddling type. I liked my space when I slept. Hell I liked my space when I was awake. But with her it was different, I liked the feeling of her as close as two people could get. I never got bored of her; I never got tired of listening to her ramble when she got too tired. I never got irritated when she talked about things I didn't have any interest in. I loved it all. Every last second of it. Maybe it was because she was my best friend but it could also be the simple fact that I loved her to death. Every single piece of her.

When I felt her stir I didn't make any sudden movements. I wanted to savour this moment this last piece of closeness that I would possible get in a very long time. I held her just as tight and she didnt move like I expected her to. She surprised me with her movement; she actually pulled the blankets tighter around me and got closer if that was at all possible. Maybe she was cold, maybe she was still tired, or maybe if I could let my mind go there she actually liked being in my arms. I was hoping for the latter. I was also letting my mind get ahead of me.

We stayed like that a while longer when I felt her breath even out and she was once again asleep. I couldn't stand all the thoughts running through my head at the moment. So many different feelings and hopes that I couldn't get passed. I slowly began to untangle myself from her body. It wasn't an easy task due to the fact that we were so tightly wrapped in each other's limbs. I had finally managed to get my body untangled from hers when she turned and woke up.

"You made it cold." were the first words out of her mouth when she turned around. My heart stopped a little with those words. She looked the best when she woke up in the morning. Her hair perfectly all over the place, and her eyes bluer than any other time in the day.

"Im sorry but...my arms were falling asleep" was my only response. Was I supposed to tell her it was because I couldn't torture myself any longer. Couldn't keep my thoughts in check.

"Oh, well than did you wanna come back and sleep, Im still kinda tired. We did watch all those movies last night. I promise Ill stick to my side of the bed" she smiled at me as she rolled over to the side she always slept on. The side we fought for until I decided I'd rather her have it than me.

"You never stay on your side Spence. Ive gotten used to that fact." I said playing along. "But unlike you us Davies dont need more than five hours a night. Im good to go, ready to start my day" I smile at her as I stretch my arms over my head as I stand in front of her.

"Five hours you say. You should really catch up on that beauty sleep its starting to show." she giggles as she pokes at me interrupting my stretch.

"HA! dont you wish. Ill be downstairs sleeping beauty when you finally decide to roll you pretty blonde butt out of bed" I reply swatting her hands away playfully and making my way to my bedroom door.

"Fine I'm up smart ass. But there better be chocolate chip pancakes somewhere in this arrangement" she states as she rolls out of bed and heads for the bathroom.

I love the banter we have with one another. It was one of the things that came instantly to us. We didn't have to work at it, it was just there. We both got what the other was trying to say. Sometimes without any words at all. Our snide remarks weren't meant as insults, we both understood that. There was always love in everything we said it was always in the background.

"Have I ever let you down Spence?" Was all I managed to get out before she shut the door to the bathroom.

It was quickly re-opened and with her head pocking out and a smile on her face that couldve stopped me dead in my tracks.

"No Ash, you definitely have never let me down." And people wonder why Im a goner. She has me wrapped around her little finger, she has to know it. And yet she never takes advantage of that. She knows I'd do anything short of murder for her, and even that I'd consider. But except for the odd favour and the promise of pancakes the mornings shes slept here she doesn't ask for much. She's simple and reliable, she's Spencer and I wouldnt trade her for the world.


	3. Chapter 3

A\N: So here is your next chapter. Like always please Review I would love to hear from each and every one of you.

I couldnt believe my ears when she told me. Am I hallucinating or something? This isnt right. A date. A freaking date. A date would be fine, if it was a date with me. But the kind where Im absent from and at home with my mind wondering doesnt really sit well in my stomach. Or my heart for that matter. Our nice lovely breakfast was now completely shattered; we went from our cute little wake up moment to us sitting at my breakfast bar talking about what she should wear on her date. With Aiden. Denison. God did I not like him right now.

"Ash...are you even listening to a word Im saying to you. Do I have to run around naked to get a little attention around here." she joked tying to tell me she wasnt really upset.

"You'd definitely have my undivided attention than, I can promise you that" I replied giving her a giant smile.

"Ugh you're a perv. You're supposed to be helping me here Ashley. Zoning out doesn't necessarily fall under that category now does it?" she said as she turned on her stool and gave me an annoyed smirk.

"That all depends on who you ask. Plus I don't see why you even need my help, Spence. You're friends with the guy, you know what to expect, and oh yes wait...you've been on dates before." I retaliated not really enjoying this conversation anymore.

"Oh, that's really nice Ash. Really nice. I ask you to help me out with one simple thing and you have to make it into one gigantic joke. It's like you don't want to help for some reason." she stated with what was beginning to sound like irritation...until "Unless wait...you still have feelings for him don't you? That's why this is bothering you! You don't want to help because you don't want me to go out with him. You could've just told me Ash. I'd choose us over him any day." She finished with great realization in her voice. It was like she hit the jackpot with that thought. Yet she couldn't have been farther from the truth. It wasn't Aiden I liked you big dummy it was you, you, you, you, you, you. I wish you would pick us for so many different reasons than the ones your thinking.

"First of all you're right I don't want to help you pick out clothes for your date, because one you're picky and two I have other things to do. Secondly, I don't have feelings for Aiden. Not anymore and I'm beginning to wonder if I ever did. So you can cancel all those thoughts out of that blonde head of yours, because it's not the case." I firmly stated getting a little annoyed myself I didn't like the direction this conversation was going in. I had already lied multiple times in the few sentences I just spoke. Who knows what would come next. There were many reasons why I didn't wanna help Spencer; I didn't want to help her pick out clothes that I know would drive any person with eyes out of their mind, I didn't wanna hear her gush about her excitement, and most importantly I didn't want to see her walk off with someone else at the end of all of it. It would break my heart, and I wasn't that self destructive.

"You have plans. Oh yeah big shot. What are these elaborate plans you have, that don't allow you to help your best friend in the world out? huh?" she asked me knowing I didn't have anything planned. Hell I knew I didn't have anything planed but I'd be damned if I let her prove me wrong.

"Well just like you pretty lady I myself have a date. Mine happens to be a little more girly than Denison though." I blurted out coming up with yet another lie to add to my pile that was quickly getting higher.

"A date? Like a date date. You pick her up you drop her off, maybe you kiss. That kind of a date?" she questioned with surprise in her eyes.

"If we're following that definition than, yes to all of the above. Well, except of course maybe kissing her at the end. There are no maybes with me on that one." I winked at her joking around. What had I gotten myself into? This could get bad really fast.

"Oh of course there'll be a kiss I forgot you were Fabio. How come you didn't tell me about this? who is this girl anyway do I know her?" she questioned once again. There was something off about how she was acting though. She reminded me of...me.

"Wasn't important, you don't know her from anywhere, it's not even a big deal to me anyway. Plus you weren't exactly forth coming with your date news either were you. When did I find out about yours like a whole twenty minutes ago?" I answered not really wanting to get into detail about this subject. She

would be able to see right through me and we both knew it. Maybe that's what the twenty questions were for.

"I didn't tell you because he literally asked me last night, while me and you were in the middle of a movie. I didn't want to interrupt what we were doing to share something with you that could've waited." she defended. "So do I at least get to meet this lovely lady friend of yours? You know in case she gets a little fresh on your date and I need to take care of her." she said in the most adorable voice that pretty much said in its self that she couldn't hurt a fly.

"If she gets fresh? What are you a cowboy? You couldn't hurt her if you had a bat and she was blindfolded. We both know you're harmless." I laughed looking at her shocked face.

"Forgive me for being a lover and not a fighter. Plus that's why I keep you around, for protection." she giggled nudging me in the arm. And protect her I would for as long as she would have me.

"Well I'll protect you, but just so you know I'm a lot smaller than this Aiden fellow. So if he gets 'fresh' as you so cleverly put it. It won't be much of a fight" I replied giggling along with her. I'm glad we were at least able to go back to a lighter moment for a little while.

"It's the thought that counts Ash; I'll at least know you tried. But seriously, do I get to meet the lucky girl?" she asked once again bringing up the subject I was hoping she forgot about. Wishful thinking much.

"No you don't get to meet her, mother. Plus you have to get ready for your date, and I'm picking her up. There's no way you two would come across each other." I answered trying to be realistic. What was I supposed to do introduce her to my imaginary date? Yeah that would've gone really well.

"What if you came with us and we doubled. I mean I doubt Aiden would mind the three of us are friends, and it would also make me a lot less nervous about tonight." She stated as if it were a flawless plan, thoughtfully constructed, and not made in two minutes.

"No, No and no. Not gonna happen. I don't double. Especially not with Denison." was my answer. That could not happen. That would mean finding a date and lying all night. Sooo didn't want to go there.

"Please Ash, it would mean so much to me if I had you there. It's so weird going out with Aiden; we've been friends for so long that I'm afraid being more would be weird. What if he doesn't like me Ash? What if on this date he realizes half way through that he's bored and not interested? That I'm not worth it." she admitted with fear and honesty that broke my heart. I couldn't imagine anyone not loving her instantly. It just wasn't possible.

"Are you kidding me Spence he'd have to be blind and stupid not to love you. If he thinks any of those things he's an idiot. You're great Spencer, you're easy to make laugh, you're beautiful, smart, and a lot of fun. You shouldn't worry about him not being interested." I let her know. I didn't like seeing her doubting herself. Not when she was as amazing as she was. Not when she was always the one to make me feel better about myself.

"Thank you" was all she said as she pulled me into a hug that put us as close together as we were last night. "Please say you'll come Ash. I need you, I need my best friend." She whispered in my ear. I was a goner.

"Okay." I replied just as softly still holding onto her.

Now all I had to do was actually find a date.


End file.
